Beauty Arises from Darkness

 “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:38-39 NIV

Sitting across from me, knee to knee, Karen began sharing her life story. Fashionably dressed, poised, and beautiful inside and out, Karen spoke as someone who knew the love of Christ.

As she spoke, my mouth would have hung open in astonishment if I had not been clenching my jaw so tightly. I had known Karen for some time, but the more she revealed her story in detail, the sadder it became. As a young teen, she ran away from home. Living on the streets, she often suffered from hunger. Her aching stomach reminded her of home, where many times a feast consisted of eating cold soup out of a can. In desperation, she foraged through trash bins behind restaurants to survive.

This soft-spoken, sweet woman grew up in an abusive home ravaged by violence. As a young girl, she lived in fear and isolation. Due to her father’s abuse, Karen’s mother even lost a child during pregnancy. Every Sunday, the family drove to church, dressed spic and span with plastered smiles, wearing bulky clothes to hide their bruises and malnutrition. On the way to church each week, her father threatened the family not to disclose the abuse.

At church, Karen met a lady one day who took an interest in her and recognized the signs of a deeply wounded child. She introduced Karen to someone who would always love her and never hurt her: Jesus. This brought her hope; but unfortunately, it didn’t last long.  The horrific abuse worsened, and she ran away, only to find herself barely surviving on the streets. Alone and afraid, Karen stepped into a pit so deep she saw no way out. Her heart smoldered with anger at God and at the world. She badgered herself with questions of God’s faithfulness. If He loved and cared for her, how could He let her life turn out the way it did? Had God left her to suffer?

As Scripture says,

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?”  - Romans 8:35

While on the streets, Karen became pregnant. Surrounded by drugs and alcohol, she refused to give in to the addiction that stained her living conditions. Her baby’s life depended on her, which gave her the fortitude to refuse temptation. One day, her drug-induced boyfriend kicked her in that dark, warm place that her future son inhabited. As Karen told her story, I saw a teenage girl in my mind: huddled in the corner of a filthy room, unbathed for days, grasping dumpster food, fear emanating from every fiber of her body. The pungent odor of alcohol and drugs filled the room. I wondered how anyone could live in those conditions and not become severely emotionally disturbed. Yet somehow Karen made it through this hell, and her child survived.

Continuing her story, Karen spoke without pity or shame. Instead, she spoke softly and gently, with love in her eyes. I tried to keep my composure, but tears rolled down my face as I clutched crumpled tissues from wiping my nose. I would have never known her story if I hadn’t asked about the scar on her lower cheek, left by a violent boyfriend.

“How did things change for you?” I asked, already guessing the answer.

She simply replied, “I came back to my first true love, Jesus.”

By providence, Karen found a place where selfless people ministered the love of Christ and cared for the physical and emotional needs of people like her and her baby. In that place, she began to heal.

Time went by, and eventually Karen returned to her parents’ house. Cracked and peeling paint covered the exterior of the old, rundown home, and the yard looked more neglected than ever. Her heart pounded as she knocked on the door. Her mother opened it, and a mix of surprise and joy lit her face, which was quickly overshadowed by clouds of shame. Her mother pulled Karen into an embrace as if her life depended on it. Karen and her mother wept as they hugged in the doorway.

Life had become even harder for Karen’s mother. She explained how each of Karen’s siblings had left and never returned or communicated with her. Her mother’s face and body were withered, frail, and weak. To the best of her ability, she was faithfully caring for Karen’s father, bedridden from a severe liver dysfunction caused by alcoholism. They had barely enough money to survive.

With remarkable bravery, Karen returned after the initial visit and spent more time with her parents. She cleaned the dirty dishes piled up in the sink. She washed clothes scattered all over the chairs and in the laundry basket. As she vacuumed and dusted, Karen hummed Christian songs. Her family had never been affectionate, yet she hugged them each time she greeted them and gave them love pats throughout the day. Forgiveness replaced bitterness, and unconditional love flowed between both sides of this broken family. 

Karen laid down her hurt and shame at the feet of Jesus to minister to her parents. As the psalmist says,

“I have wrapped my heart into yours all day long.” - Psalm 25:5c TPT

One day while cleaning, Karen found their Bible under the bed. She dusted it off and began reading passages to her mother and bedridden father. Each time she read, her father wept in shame. Even though he knew Karen had forgiven him and his wife, the residue of his past haunted him.

Months later, her parents recommitted their lives to Jesus, and peace filled the home at last. Her father passed away shortly after their renewed relationship, and Karen remained, caring for her mother until she quietly passed into the arms of Jesus. Their lives, once filled with pain and abuse, ended in the miracle of peace.

Most of us don’t have a story like Karen’s, but we all have pain. We may carry resentment from a divorce, a family member’s hurtful words or actions, financial entanglements, a spouse gone astray, loss of deep friendships, or lies spoken about us. When we have these struggles, the Lord is near, wanting to soothe our pain.

“The LORD is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.” - Psalm 145:18

He wants to raise us from the pit of despair and set our course by following Him.

“He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.” - Psalm 40:2

Karen had the courage to allow Jesus to take her hand and lift her out of her pit of resentment. What the enemy meant for evil, the Lord turned for good. As Joseph said to his brothers:

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” - Genesis 50:20

Set free to love her parents, Karen will see them in eternity. As the Lord promises in Isaiah 61:3, He gave Karen beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, and praise for despair. He can do the same for you.

We all have a responsibility to forgive those who hurt us. Bitterness is like a wild vine that entwines your heart. The more you think about the hurtful matter, the tighter the vine becomes, squeezing the life out of you. When you hand your pain and your past to God, the vine unravels from your heart, and you are set free.

Let’s pray:

Lord, when You formed me in the womb, You planned wonderful things for my life. When I have been in those dark places, I admit I wondered if You truly loved me. I even got mad at You because I could not understand how You would allow such painful things in my life. I realize we live in a fallen world where evil lurks, and I ask You to forgive me for these thoughts.

I know You never wanted me to suffer. You wept as you heard my desperate cries for help, and You never left my side. Scripture tells me You are continually with me, and You hold my right hand (Psalm 73:23). Help me forgive those who hurt me and set me free from bitterness and resentment. I lay my pain at Your feet and trust You to heal my heart. No matter what happened in my past, I believe You have wonderful plans for me. Amen.